AUSTIN, TX – Texas has been a hotbed of transphobia lately…and always!

Governor Greg Abbott’s latest transphobic tantrum comes in the form of attacking trans youth, going so far as to investigate supportive parents for child abuse. According to republicans like Abbott, basic medical care and saving kids’ lives is “monstrous” and must be stopped.

According to President Joe Biden, this threat to break apart families is just a step TOO far! Biden has had ENOUGH, young man! The President has gone far enough to release a statement on Wednesday where he said the state of Texas is “on notice!“ That’s serious business!

Sources close to the situation say that Texas has “until the count of 3 to stop being transphobes, or ELSE!” According to Biden, “there’s going to be consequences, mister! After that, it’s no X-box for a WEEK, do you hear me?”

Top aides to the president have confirmed the severity of these threats, with one agent reporting that Biden wasn’t afraid to escalate if necessary. “If taking away screen time doesn’t do it, then the President will send Texas to bed without dessert, and Texas loves ice cream,” said the agent. “He once sent Florida to bed without any supper,” he continued, “it was brutal.”

At the time of reporting, Texas is continuing their anti-trans tantrum, so Joe Biden has locked up their X-box, iPad, AND Nintendo Switch in the broom closet, on the high-up shelf, so Texas can’t sneak it back. Biden is NOT playing around this time, no siree! Texas can just march itself right up to its room and think about what it’s done!

Reporters will keep an eye on the situation throughout the night, and will work to confirm the rumors that Biden is going to cancel Texas’ birthday party, even though he already invited all his friends.