35 Best New Years Resolutions for Surviving the End of the World
It’s a new year, but the world is crumbling down around you. What do you do? Luckily we have everything figured out! Just follow all of these tips!
Author: Josh
We Found Out What’s In This Enby’s Pants — It’s a Gun
WAUSAU, WI– The question on everyone’s lips is what is in the pants of local non-binary firebrand Praxis Jones. And the answer is, to what should not be much of a surprise, it’s a Colt 45. “Be the change in the world you want to see,” says Jones, who sports long, purple hair, a coat… Continue reading We Found Out What’s In This Enby’s Pants — It’s a Gun
Top 10 Best Christmas Gifts for Enbies
Lizards 2. Selfie stick 3. Weapons with which to rise up against the patriarchy 4. Button maker 5. Tea Kettle 6. Uranium 7. Bees 8. Space Lazer 9. Vests 10. Private Island in the Caribbean
Covid Is An Excuse for Queers to Avoid Their Families
MINNEAPOLIS, MN– The holiday season is upon us, and it’s a time for families around the country to get together and celebrate, and drunkenly argue about politics and minor personal squabbles while trying to pretend they don’t all hate each other. However, just like last year, a little issue called “the pandemic” is keeping some… Continue reading Covid Is An Excuse for Queers to Avoid Their Families
Poor People Need to Fuck Extra-Terrestrials As Well
VULCAN, CANADA- Pop singer Demi Lovato recently, among other things, released a new line of vibrating sex toys called the “Demi Wand”. The vibrators, which retail for $79, and are suitable not only humans but also creatures from other planets who have traveled to Earth looking for freaky inter-species sex. However, this price point is… Continue reading Poor People Need to Fuck Extra-Terrestrials As Well
Breaking: Kyle Rittenhouse found not guilty of murder; guilty of being a total peice of shit
KENOSHA, WI- After a memorable trial and massive amounts of media coverage, 17 year old wannabe terrorist/freedom fighter Kyle Rittenhouse has been declared not guilty of murder on the basis of self-defense. Rittenhouse is still guilty of being a horrible human being, however, a fact that is apparently not against the law. “This is America,… Continue reading Breaking: Kyle Rittenhouse found not guilty of murder; guilty of being a total peice of shit
“All The Balls in the Manatee Pool” – Making Sure Everyone is Made Fun Of
We at Queer Coded believe no topics should be off topic. Freedom of speech is of the utmost importance, in particular our right to say whatever the hell we want to say at any time. We are particularly fond of making fun of Caitlyn Jenner, despite being thoroughly tired of her. As such we would… Continue reading “All The Balls in the Manatee Pool” – Making Sure Everyone is Made Fun Of
Liberal’s Nefarious Pandemic Plot Going to Plan
AUSTEN, TX- Local right-wing radio listeners this evening are mourning the loss of radio personality Stanley “Shoot ‘Em Up” Simmons, who died of Covid. He follows a string of other prominent conservative voices, who have railed against Covid precautions and are dying at an alarming rate. “All according to plan,” states liberal strategist Serena Munson.… Continue reading Liberal’s Nefarious Pandemic Plot Going to Plan
Jenner’s Gubernatorial Hopes Go Down In Flames; No One Cares
BEVERLY HILLS, CA- A month after Caitlyn Jenner lost her bid for governor of California, Queer Coded editors notice that, well, Caitlyn Jenner lost her bid for governor of California a month ago. “No one’s really surprised she lost,” says Californian political pundit Jay Munsey. “Who even supported her? Not pro-trans people, not anti-trans people.… Continue reading Jenner’s Gubernatorial Hopes Go Down In Flames; No One Cares
TERFs Welcome Dave Chappelle with Open Arms
LOS ANGELES- TERFs all over the US and the UK today are welcoming their latest, and most unexpected member, comedian Dave Chappelle. The comedian has generated a lot of controversy in his latest standup special The Closer, in which he makes a number of statements considered transphobic. In particular, he addresses the most famous TERF… Continue reading TERFs Welcome Dave Chappelle with Open Arms