ENTIRE UNITED STATES – “Well fuck that shit,” the LGBT community declared as one this Friday. The exclamation, which came in response to the news of the Supreme Court overturning Roe v. Wade, has been the largest of many recent instances of the community coming together to express disdain for a recent political event. Roe… Continue reading “Well, Fuck That Shit,” says LGBT community
WASHINGTON DC–Supporters of LGBT equality notched a much-needed win May 3rd, when a leaked draft of a Supreme Court decision revealed the country is finally going to be oppressing straight people for once. “Frankly, I just couldn’t be happier about this,” commented LGBT advocate and activist Cynthia Montoya. “America has a long history of excluding… Continue reading Equality Win! Government Makes Life Worse For Straight People For Once
SAN FRANCISCO–The artform and social experience of comedy, a celebration of the surprising and absurd which has been a part of human behavior for all of its recorded history, was declared officially dead today by Kevin Miller, a 26 year old engineer who has never participated in it. “Wow, I guess you’re not allowed to… Continue reading “You Can’t Even Tell Jokes Now” Says Man Who Couldn’t Tell Jokes Before
DES MOINES, IOWA – Although most of the response has surrounded its effects on trans students and athletes, the recent Iowa bill which bans trans women from women’s sporting events has further controversial content. An amendment, added in the Senate and reconciled after the House passed it, establishes for the first time that dogs cannot… Continue reading Iowa Trans Athlete Ban Also Says Dogs Can’t Play Basketball
NEW YORK- The board of the LGBT community called a press conference yesterday in order to announce their yearly list of objects and ideas which are gay now. The conference drew a broad audience of gay people looking for things to post about online and cishet people looking for what to avoid, but not because… Continue reading LGBT Community Presents Latest List of Objects, Ideas Which Are Gay
WASHINGTON DC–After three years of research, Queer Coded’s own investigative reporter and lesbian Samantha Mollins has finally released her bombshell report: girls pretty. “I was surprised when the conclusion of all my work fit into two words myself,” Mollins mused. “But then I thought about it for a while, and then I thought about it… Continue reading Lesbian Investigative Reporter Releases Bombshell Report: Girls Pretty
SEATTLE, WA- The right wing theory of the trans agenda, a supposed plan beginning with trans acceptance and leading to various catastrophic social consequences, has been dealt a fatal blow by the discovery of Emily Jones, a trans woman with absolutely no plans whatsoever. “I mean, I prefer to take things one day at a… Continue reading Trans Agenda Disproved: Local Trans Woman Has No Plans About Anything Whatsoever
WASHINGTON DC–Well, the liberal social elites and social justice warriors are up to their old tricks again. In their most shocking assault yet on the beloved and time-honored tradition of Christmas, it is now December 26. Thanks to this underhanded sleight, The Left has gotten everything they ever wanted. Nobody’s wishing each other “Merry Christmas”… Continue reading War on Christmas: It’s December 26th
SEATTLE–The War on Christmas has started again, and this time, it’s in our schools. We’ve all known that the leftists would try to come for our children, but we had no idea how shameless they’d be. In the latest instance of their secular agenda, Flynn Johnson, a fourth grader at John Hay Elementary School, just… Continue reading War on Christmas: Fourth Grader Says Santa Actually Your Parents
CHICAGO–“I think you’ll really love it,” local gay Leah King said today, of the least watchable television program you’ve experienced. “It’s one of my personal favorites,” she continued, mystifyingly. “And I think you would really enjoy it!” Political fact checkers were quick to correct that you would not enjoy it, and neither would any normal… Continue reading “You’ll Love It!” Says Gay, Of Utterly Unwatchable Show
