LONDON–Expecting to die soon, Queen Elizabeth looked to solidify her legacy which has lasted since before World War II until she witnessed the rapid decline of the United States. The Queen announced her United Kingdom would annex the Isle of Terflandia. The newly deemed protectorate is the first new land since relinquishing Hong Kong in… Continue reading Queen Elizabeth Expands British Empire, Claiming Terflandia
INDIANAPOLIS, IN–Following a particularly egregious display of homophobic behavior, local woman Trina Holland declined to go to Human Resources to report the incident. “I know I should, but I don’t want to rock the boat,” she said while she took down a photo of her and her wife on their honeymoon from her cubicle.… Continue reading Half Of LGBT Workforce Faced Discrimination, Other Half Don’t Want To Rock Boat
DES MOINES, IA–Awaking to the crushing realization that even the best dreams are nightmares in disguise and there is no hope even in those hours of blissful slumber, 43-year-old Robert Forrester of Des Moines woke up last night to what most officials are calling the saddest dream ever and left him sobbing on the side… Continue reading Area Man Has, Like, The Saddest Dream Ever
DAVENPORT, IA–Following fears that adults would provide free THC-infused candy from the wretched sin-soaked state of Illinois, a new threat has emerged to frighten parents of children. Some people fear that so-called “titty skittles” will enter the candy supply, causing the nation’s youth to transgender. “No. Just no,” said one transgender, speaking under the condition… Continue reading Parents Beware: Titty Skittles Hot New Candy
WASHINGTON D.C.–Announcing that nothing will ever get better, Senate and House Democrats have announced that their agenda was implemented as they had envisioned. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said at a press conference, “We have reached our goals and we are proud to announce that we have disappointed America yet again. It was a smashing success!… Continue reading “Vote Blue No Matter Who” A Smashing Success At Disappointing Democratic Voters
Location and overview of Tall el-Hammam. Via Nature. TALL EL-HAMMAM, JORDAN–A recent study published in the journal Nature supposes that the site of the ancient city of Sodom was not destroyed by an almighty and angry God. Archeologists posit that the city was instead flattened by an air-burst similar to the Tunguska event and that… Continue reading Sodom Destroyed By Possibly Homosexual Meteor
SYRACUSE, NY–A vast amount of manure was discovered spread across three blocks of the Skunk City neighborhood of Syracuse. Due to the large amount of methane such manure releases, the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) was invited to investigate. The agency reports that this toxic level of bullshit is directly related to a story about who… Continue reading EPA Reports Toxic Levels Of Bullshit Due To Story About Who Richard Was With Last Night
FAYETTEVILLE, AR–Sensing a bit of a low feeling in her life, a local transgender woman is considering re-watching one of the shows she enjoyed most pre-transition, a moderately successful NBC sitcom named 30 Rock. The re-watch of one of her favorite TV shows comes at a point where Diane Whyte cannot quite remember all the… Continue reading Local Woman Prepares To Re-Watch Favorite Show From The 00’s
ROCKFORD, IL–Following a successful launch in April of this year, a local company is prepared to bring back print news to the state-line region. Queer Coded Media, LLC, is pleased to announce a print edition utilizing a innovative distributed model. Editor in Chief, Jen Durbent, stated, “There’s nothing better than the tangible feeling of reading… Continue reading Queer Coded Media Announces Distributed Print Edition
GALVESTON, TX–Following a series of lawsuits, a Galveston School District 302 has determined that it would be less costly to merely address students as requested rather than to continue to litigate the cases in court. And in doing so, the local school district is claiming it will save millions of dollars by addressing transgender people… Continue reading Local School District Saves Millions By Addressing Trans People Properly
