ROCKFORD, IL–Following dozens of tweets and emails and web site refreshes, the PlayStation 5 still remains an elusive item for some, including us at QueerCoded, Inc., Headquarters. Sony has of yet refused to provide a free console.

“This really, really, really, sucks,” says executive vice president of QueerCoded Gaming, Jen Durbent. “It’s not for lack of trying. But until Sony acknowledges that we are a legitimate news outlet, we’re just going to have to keep trying it the old fashioned way.”

PlayStation 5s are in notoriously short supply as the world continues to suffer a “chip shortage,” despite record potato crops throughout Idaho.

“I don’t see why we’re not important enough,” said Jen Durbent, editor, “We have, like, articles and stuff. And why aren’t we Twitter Verified?”

The QueerCoded Campus is utterly bereft of Playstation 5s. Why? Publisher Jen Durbent says, “This is probably not homophobic. But we can’t be sure. All I know is that the PS5 kind of looks like a Georgia O’Keeffe flower painting. “