INTERCOURSE, PA–After compiling the biennial queer census, results show a record number of lesbians despite some groups claiming transgender activists were making inroads.

“I’m surprised to see how many lesbians remain in the dating pool,” said Patricia Arnett, who was not wearing flannel or boots at the time. “While some groups have claimed that trans men have been eating into lesbian numbers, the statistics don’t add up. In fact, when you factor in trans women, the number of lesbians has grown significantly. In fact, it’s become a boon for the discriminating dyke.”

Some critics have pointed to the fact that many lesbians do not like penises, but even with that preference, the numbers show that with the wider availability of vaginoplasty, there’s more pussy out there than ever.