KANSAS CITY, MO–Settling down after a long day at work, a local woman suddenly found a cat sitting on her lap. It had been years, but finally her roommate’s cat has deemed her worthy. Stacey Brennan, 25, was at first startled and then slowly came to enjoy the bundle of orange warmth that seemed to… Continue reading Finally! Cat Has Deemed Woman Worthy
DES MOINES, IOWA– After paying for her meal at a food truck, a local woman was forced to confront some deeply seated feelings when she found herself face to face with a man. It was in this moment, that the woman, 41 year old Robin Flynn, endured a terrifying realization that she was finding a… Continue reading Woman Endures Terrifying Realization She Found a Man Attractive
OREGON, ILLINOIS– Local queer Zak Johansson is really excited about all the recent talk on social media about camping. Posts and searches for “camping” have skyrocketed since last Thursday, and Zak is hoping this means they can find people to share a tent with on an upcoming trip. “It’s just, you know, so hard usually… Continue reading Local Queer Just Wants Someone to Actually go Camping With
LOS GATOS, CA–In the recent notices about Netflix’s July offerings, there’s one stand out stand-up special that has all the audiences talking. After taking a brief respite during pride month in June by releasing material from Robin Tran and Jaye McBride, Netflix announced that they will release a special entitled “Flushed” by a comedian who… Continue reading Literal Piece of Shit to Release Netflix Comedy Special
We can not, under any circumstances, let children know that the arts are an option, let alone a potentially lucrative one.
WASHINGTON DC–Supporters of LGBT equality notched a much-needed win May 3rd, when a leaked draft of a Supreme Court decision revealed the country is finally going to be oppressing straight people for once. “Frankly, I just couldn’t be happier about this,” commented LGBT advocate and activist Cynthia Montoya. “America has a long history of excluding… Continue reading Equality Win! Government Makes Life Worse For Straight People For Once
We can finally finish what we started: The Year of the Jeopardy! Gay!” said a spokesperson for all gays everywhere. “May we continue to dominate!”
We all know rule 34 of the internet. “If you can think of it, there IS porn of it!” Well, maybe we don’t ALL know the rule, but Ted Cruz sure does! When Criticizing Disney’s opposition to Florida’s “don’t say gay” bill, Ted Cruz lamented that we would now have to see cartoons of ”Mickey… Continue reading Ted Cruz Demands Exclusively Heterosexual Disney Porn
SAN FRANCISCO–The artform and social experience of comedy, a celebration of the surprising and absurd which has been a part of human behavior for all of its recorded history, was declared officially dead today by Kevin Miller, a 26 year old engineer who has never participated in it. “Wow, I guess you’re not allowed to… Continue reading “You Can’t Even Tell Jokes Now” Says Man Who Couldn’t Tell Jokes Before
HOLLYWOOD, CA–Tonight is the Night! The Oscars! The ACADEMY AWARDS! Local lesbian/movie fan Jessica Zhang wanted to watch a few Best Picture contenders before the big night, and, as a member of the LGBTQ community, she had heard Power of the Dog described as a “gay Cowboy movie.” “That sounds awesome,” said Zhang, who had… Continue reading Local Woman Wonders When “Power of the Dog” Gets Gay.
