Category: Science

Astrophysics In Turmoil At New Evidence Regarding Time And Charlie Watts’ Death
Music · Science

Astrophysics In Turmoil At New Evidence Regarding Time And Charlie Watts’ Death

Ed.

GENEVA–Physicists around the world looked at TV screens absorbing the news; there has been a long held belief that the easy questions were answered, that there was nothing obvious left and that all the new physics was full of theory and massive super colliders. However, astrophysicists were shaken to the ground when the news was… Continue reading Astrophysics In Turmoil At New Evidence Regarding Time And Charlie Watts’ Death

Scientists Report: Woman On Internet Knows She’s Fat.
News Shorts · Science

Scientists Report: Woman On Internet Knows She’s Fat.

Ed.

TARRE HAUTE, IN–Announcing a major breakthrough, a team of leading researchers at Indiana State University made waves as they stood in front of the collected faculty. They determined that a woman on the internet knows she is fat. The woman, who they identified as only Patient Mae, is overweight and knows it. “It was a… Continue reading Scientists Report: Woman On Internet Knows She’s Fat.

Oy Gevalt! Jewish Conversion Therapy Counselor Actually Ekht Feygeleh!
Lifestyle · News Shorts · Politics · Psychology · Science

Oy Gevalt! Jewish Conversion Therapy Counselor Actually Ekht Feygeleh!

Alex Seligsohn

Oy Vey! Another day, another homophobe caught on a gay dating app! This time, it’s Jewish psychologist Norman Goldwasser of Florida, and the Jewish Queer community wants bupkis to do with this guy! This pisher had the inexplicable chutzpah to run a conversion therapy camp. Goldwasser was kibitzing with LGBTQ teens about how to become… Continue reading Oy Gevalt! Jewish Conversion Therapy Counselor Actually Ekht Feygeleh!

brain with lines representing "waves" BREAKING: Sapiosexual Actually Classist, Elitist Misogynist
Nature · News Shorts · Psychology · Science

BREAKING: Sapiosexual Actually Classist, Elitist Misogynist

Alex Seligsohn

Despite advances in human rights in recent decades, LGBTQ+ people are still a largely oppressed group. Straight people, often jealous of our sweet, sweet oppression, are always finding ways to cash in on that envious desire to have their existence debated. That’s why local, cisgender, heterosexual male, Jacob Lang, has come out as a Sapiosexual. … Continue reading BREAKING: Sapiosexual Actually Classist, Elitist Misogynist

Trans Woman: “Being Trans Is Least Interesting Thing About Me.” Scientists: “Not So Fast.”
News Shorts · Science

Trans Woman: “Being Trans Is Least Interesting Thing About Me.” Scientists: “Not So Fast.”

Ed.

BURLINGTON, VT–After saying something that she thought to be profound, a local woman has found herself refuted by science. Trans Woman, Ashley Smith, stated on social media that, “Being trans is the least interesting thing about me.” Two hours later, her statement was refuted by a scientist who had submitted her findings to the prestigious… Continue reading Trans Woman: “Being Trans Is Least Interesting Thing About Me.” Scientists: “Not So Fast.”

Sinus Infection Turns Badass Queer Activist into Sad Lil Baby
Lifestyle · News Shorts · Science

Sinus Infection Turns Badass Queer Activist into Sad Lil Baby

Alex Seligsohn

Sandie Brown is fierce. They are political. They are mean. They are sick with some sniffles. The non-binary, queer activist is always ready to take on any fight that presents itself against the LGBTQIA+ community. Nothing gets in the way of Sandie’s righteous anger and fury…except for a wicked case of post-nasal drip. “I just… Continue reading Sinus Infection Turns Badass Queer Activist into Sad Lil Baby

Richard Branson Dies in Fiery Explosion
News Shorts · Science

Richard Branson Dies in Fiery Explosion

Josh

NEW MEXICO- Billionaire entrepreneur Sir Richard Branson and six others died earlier today when Virgin’s VSS Unity exploded moments after launch in a failed attempt to go into space. The space ship was supposed to travel through space for 9 minutes before returning to Earth, but an apparent problem with the cup holders not being… Continue reading Richard Branson Dies in Fiery Explosion

BREAKING: Scientists Decode Orgasm Brain Waves Are Mostly The J.G. Wentworth Jingle
Science

BREAKING: Scientists Decode Orgasm Brain Waves Are Mostly The J.G. Wentworth Jingle

Ed.

CAMBRIDGE, MA–Neurologists at the Harvard Neurological Overlap Lab have made a startling discovery that threatens to upend decades of research into how the mind works. Using state-of-the-art radioisotope imaging combined with the latest in electron ptychographic reconstruction, scientists discovered that human orgasms brainwaves are entirely composed of the J.G. Wentworth Jingle. The lead scientist, Dr.… Continue reading BREAKING: Scientists Decode Orgasm Brain Waves Are Mostly The J.G. Wentworth Jingle

Scientists Generate Electricity From The Discourse
Science

Scientists Generate Electricity From The Discourse

Ed.

BATAVIA, IL–Harnessing the power of Internet Discourse, scientists made a breakthrough that could power hundreds of homes and businesses in the Chicago-land area. Scientists have discovered a way to generate electricity from Internet Discourse. Speaking from Fermilab, Dr. Ade Ron Collider delivered his findings on a live stream, seemingly proving his hypothesis in real time.… Continue reading Scientists Generate Electricity From The Discourse