BLOOMINGTON, IN–If there are a themes about the newest generation of video game consoles, it’s that they are hard to find in stock and they are quite expensive. However, some enterprising gamers have made a discovery that will allow them to get the system of their dreams even faster: blood plasma is worth some big money lately.

Richard Herzberg is one such gamer. “They asked if I have had sex with a man in the past 12 months and, thanks to the Coronavirus pandemic, I really could answer ‘no’ on that one. I am quite lonely; but it looks like I will be able to get the new Xbox before all my friends are fully vaccinated.” Herzberg counts himself lucky, as he was able to get a bonus for his first trip in, which allowed him to buy a new controller for his Xbox.

It’s not all sign-on bonuses, it can be regular income. Some individuals are making upwards of $100 U.S. per week selling their precious bodily fluids. Doctor Erica Garner of B&G Plasma and Tissue Services said, “Really, it’s a harmless procedure for a healthy adult. We take the plasma and are able to use it in life-saving medication and procedures for those with severe injury; it’s quite an interesting material. And it really doesn’t matter who it comes from, either. As long as they’re not on opiates or amphetamine, we really do not care. So long as you are straight or gay and chaste: if you’re bleeding, we’re buying.”