t’s not easy being a girl.
Sometimes, you know, there are things about dating that are just terrible and makes you wish you were just into other women. But there they are, and when they disappoint, wine is always to the rescue.
PACIFIC PEAK CABERNET SAUVIGNON
This full flavored red wine has a dark cherry taste and a full body and all you can say is, “Same.”
Price? Who are you kidding? You got fired when you came out. $2.50 a bottle.
GALLO FAMILY VINEYARD RED MOSCATO
The sweet citrus and peach notes remind you of a carefree time when you had no idea how dick hungry a straight guy could be.
A bargain at $6 bucks a bottle.
RENIERI BRUNELLO DI MONTALCINO, 2015
This Italian Sangiovese has a rich and earthy aroma, with an elegant fruit, this intense red sitting on your shelf for a special occasion just isn’t going to drink itself.
$99.99 a bottle.
GUIGAL COTE ROTIE LA LANDONNE, 2011
The French know their wine and this Rhone blend is nothing short of spectacular. The dried flower and olive notes combine with rendered bacon fat to remind you when you embarrassed yourself by trying to get some killer biceps before you came out.
The small stash you had for your wedding dress fund should cover this nicely, at $410 a bottle.
SCREAMING EAGLE CABERNET NAPA, 2010
It all comes home to California, where all your friends moved after they came out and yet you’re still stuck fucking in the middle of nowhere and not even the staggering bouquet of spring flowers, graphite, creme de cassis, kirsch, licorice, and toast can really blot out that fact, can it?
It’s not like you were going to get breast augmentation anyway. $5,999.97 –discounted from $5,999.99