FORT LAUDERDALE, FLORIDA – “It wasn’t looking good for the first few minutes,” said local gay man Anton Larchmont of the new teams on The Amazing Race, which premiered last night. Larchmont reported that when he first turned on the program he felt fear. Pure fear. What if this year’s Amazing Race was ALL hetero??

The new teams seemed, according to Larchmont “pretty fricken’ straight” at first. Research shows there were some married straights, dating straights, some bro buddies, and a father and daughter duo….none of whom explicitly stated they were hetero but, Larchmont says “didn’t do anything fun and gay to prove otherwise.”

The moment of relief finally came when Taylor and Isaiah, whom Anton initially confused for a bro-buddy team, announced themselves as newlyweds. Anton reports that the moment he saw their wedding photo on-screen, he screamed so loud that several neighbors came by to check on him. Neighbors also agreed that the wedding photos were “omg so cute!”

“I’m glad he was just full of joy and relief instead of full of…a knife or something,” said one neighbor from across the hall, who thought Anton was being murdered. “It’s good to see him happy. He was so worried that because the cool gay couple won last season, that the producers wouldn’t feel obligated to cast more gays because they met the quota,” the unnamed neighbor continued.

At the time of publishing, Taylor and Isaiah are still in the race, and if they get eliminated at any point we at Queer Coded will 100% cry homophobia.