DAVENPORT, IA–Following fears that adults would provide free THC-infused candy from the wretched sin-soaked state of Illinois, a new threat has emerged to frighten parents of children. Some people fear that so-called “titty skittles” will enter the candy supply, causing the nation’s youth to transgender.

“No. Just no,” said one transgender, speaking under the condition of anonymity–though we can always tell. “I am not giving away my medicine to kids. Next thing you know, some parents will be saying children will be getting pot. Oh. Oh. They are? What? Who would do that?”

“If they weren’t for kids, why are they called titty skittles?” said one Jenny MacCarthy (no relation to noted anti-vaccine activist Jenny McCarthy). “That’s just telling children they are tasty and fun to eat.”

“I mean, they don’t taste too bad,” said the transgender woman. “They kind of have a weird candy corn flavor, I think. And eventually you get boobs. Which are fun.”

Unfortunately, titty skittles are small and fit into most overhead storage bins, leaving some to claim that they are far too dangerous to be left where children could get them, and by that they mean a pharmacy.

“Who knows if some poor unsuspecting pharmacy technician will give them those instead of some other medication they need.”

Texas politicians are expected to look into this in their upcoming legislative session.

That’s not all, because at the time of this writing, nobody has quite come up with a way to claim that children were being fed testosterone in their Snickers bars. But only time will tell.