BANGOR, MN – After over a year of patiently waiting, fans of Succession, the hit HBO drama about awful, rich White people, gleefully watched the series’ third season premier Sunday night. Among those millions of eager viewers: lesbian couple and huge fans of the show, Connie Villanueva and Rom Sheldon.
“We are obsessed,” Villanueva told QueerCoded. “Normally I can’t do shows with zero queer characters and almost no diversity, but my god, this show is so good. It’s not even fair”
“SO good,” Sheldon echoed. “Cousin Greg sometimes makes me forget I’m a lesbian. And Shiv is just so hot, despite having no sense of morality or values! It’s just so sexy.”
But some people, like Gil Berman, a Straight Culture Preservationist, are crying foul. “The show is clearly straight culture. It’s textbook! The lying. The wealth-hoarding. The sexual assault. That’s OUR lifestyle,” lamented Berman.
Straight Culture Preservationists (SCPs) believe that some things should be JUST for straight people, a group “historically not represented anymore in media cuz diversity,” Berman said. He also mentioned that the LGBTQ community “already has Will & Grace and that Ellen show,” and so there is no need to appropriate straight media.
“I’ve literally never seen Will & Grace,” said Rom Sheldon, as Villanueva shook her head disapprovingly.
SCP Berman also wanted the record to show that the drama is “actually based on the Murdoch family,” which further categorized the show as definitively heterosexual, and went on to note that “some people don’t realize this parallel to Fox, a historically straight company, because the show is like, really deep. Some people just don’t get it.”
The Succession Wikipedia page, as well as any reference to the show whatsoever, also contains this rare piece of information Berman believes he holds a monopoly on.
In a follow-up interview, Berman was horrified to find out that Villanueva and Sheldon planned to dress up as Tom Wambsgans and Shiv for Halloween. He was aghast. “My culture is not your cosplay,” Berman cried.