Location and overview of Tall el-Hammam. Via Nature.

TALL EL-HAMMAM, JORDAN–A recent study published in the journal Nature supposes that the site of the ancient city of Sodom was not destroyed by an almighty and angry God. Archeologists posit that the city was instead flattened by an air-burst similar to the Tunguska event and that the meteor was possibly homosexual.

Physicist Tammy Longfellow stated that, “These asteroids, they are always looking to mate with other matter. Technically, gravity makes everything gay.”

However, when compared to the Biblical reading, some scholars disagree, including Richard Patterson of the Center for Jesus Studies, LLC. “It’s not so much that the asteroid is gay, it’s that the city was destroyed by God. No matter how it happened, he did it.” Patterson went on. “And besides, an asteroid is inanimate. It doesn’t have a sexuality.”

“But could it,” countered Longfellow. And Patterson did not have a response.

“Also consider that the main issue with Sodom and Gomorrah was their inability to treat visitors well. It wasn’t about the sex, it was about hospitality. Which means that The Olive Garden should be the safest place on the planet. Have you ever heard of an Olive Garden being destroyed in a Tunguska-type event?”

“Asteroids are gay,” she said. “Get over it.”

“But doesn’t that mean that this asteroid is bad?”

“Just because someone is gay doesn’t mean they’re good people,” Longfellow said. “Look at TERFs.”